My boyfriend doesn't trust me

It's a terrible feeling when your significant other doesn’t trust you! It feels terrible because you can’t really do anything about it…

And that's' it for today’s post - see ya!

Hahah, just kidding - of course you can do something about it! You can always do something to improve your situation!

But not the way you think...

The usual route would be to be open and transparent with each other right? Let him see your phone, let him know where you are at all times and check in with each other frequently (all the time).

I will not recommend this approach - ever! This will never get his trust issues to go away!

This will train both of you into an unhealthy and unnatural behaviour. And I can guarantee you that his insecurities will still surface despite your effort.

Because YOU can not make him trust you. HE needs to work on trusting you!

He has dragged something from his past into your relationship. If you’ve done something to break the trust of course you have to put in the work, but - the person with the problem is the one who needs to put the work in.

Imagine if you’ve never done anything to spark his insecurities and he still doesn’t trust you?!

No matter how much you do and how many times you ‘prove’ to him that he can trust you, his issue is not with you but with trusting that he is good enough to deserve you and your love.

Good enough to deserve anyone's love! He might have felt betrayed in the past and have now fallen into the trap of thinking that he can control other people’s behavior and with that control prevent ever feeling betrayed again.

But to force another person to do the work for us will never work - it will never create the bond that both of you need and long for if you have to prove to him that he can trust you!

He will always find a way you failed because it’s not about your actions but about his perception and his belief. And he believes that you can’t be trusted so he’ll find proof that you can’t be trusted!

So obviously you need to have a conversation about him needing to do some work. You can let him know that you will continue to be you and love him like you love him and of course not do something to spark his suspicion but DO NOT agree to do something that is not natural to you.

Two great individuals make a great couple and you need to preserve your own space and integrity and can’t have him invade it all the time because he doesn’t trust you.

It's not an easy conversation and it hurts so bad to see your partner suffer but both of you - and to begin with maybe only you - need to trust and believe that he can do this!

He is an amazing and capable man that needs to realize his own worth and that no one has anything to prove. Set an example and show him you love him by trusting him by not invading his space and look at him for all that he is and the trust will slowly build.

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