How does it make you feel when your partner doesn’t take responsibility?
Are you less attracted to him? When he doesn’t participate in the day-to-day planning of things that need to get done around the house. Is he always blaming the circumstances and everybody else for everything that goes wrong? If only he would take a bit of responsibility a lot of things would be different.
It’s often said that we marry our parents; e.g. you being a woman you’ll find a man with a lot of the same characteristics as your dad and your partner finds a woman with a lot of his mother’s characteristics (which would be you!).
Do you see any truth in that? Was your dad avoiding responsibility around the house leaving it up to your mom? Have you been raised by a mom that was taking charge and not letting your dad have a say in anything and you might be doing exactly that right now?
Maybe you are not letting your partner take responsibility because every time he does it, it’s not good enough?
I know because I’ve been there! Wishing that my husband would take on more responsibility but also realizing that he acts exactly like my dad in some situations and I act like my mom. I don’t let him take responsibility because he is not doing it the right way aka my way.
So how do you change that? If those patterns are so instilled in us from our childhood how do we change them?
When we fall in love we fall for a lot of things that we ourselves are not good at. In this case, you might have fallen for him because he followed your lead. He admired you (because he also falls for what he is not good at) for having your things in order. For the natural authority that comes with taking responsibility and that felt so good in the beginning!
But now, because you haven’t integrated being irresponsible and careless it annoys you when he is doing the exact thing you were so attracted to in the beginning.
You might wonder; why do I need to learn to become irresponsible and careless? And the short answer is that you need to to become whole.
If there are feelings and emotions that we don’t acknowledge and suppress we will be annoyed and frustrated everytime we see them anywhere.
You know how two people can look at the same thing and have two different reactions?
A keynote speaker can use words that infuriates one person because he perceives condescension and he feels patronized while the other person hears authority and wisdom. These two different people come with two different backgrounds and are on two different journeys to become whole; to integrate all kinds of emotions to be less negatively affected by external situations while expanding their compassion for others and level of freedom for themselves. And if compassion and freedom doesn’t lead to a happy, more loving and better relationship (and a better life) I don’t know what does!
So every time your partner doesn’t take responsibility, consider whether you’ve let him take that responsibility without giving him a hard time about it. Consider how he was raised. Consider being more irresponsible and let loose. Dare I say let go just a little bit?
The world will not come to an end because you’re a little careless sometimes.
Your new found irresponsible side will immediately minimize your partner’s lack of responsibility and to keep the balance he will automatically step up a bit.
Your partner is helping you become whole and vice versa.