Closely connected to being kind to yourself is feeling worthy.
When you are hard on yourself; when we are hard on ourselves, when I am hard on myself, the thought ‘not good enough’ is present. The feeling of: I could have done better or more or different or or or.
What if I told you that the concept of ‘not good enough’ doesn’t exist? That it’s only a question of perception?
You’ve probably heard the saying: “There are no mistakes in life, only lessons”, and even though we’re flooded with quotes - a lot of them not really cute or meaningful - I love this one.
You are learning and gathering experience throughout your life at all times. Creating your own life by trial and error. No exceptions; we all do it all the time!
Even when you find yourself in situations you’ve encountered before and feeling frustrated because you ‘should’ have seen it coming. Just remember that you have lived a full life ingraining habits and patterns that you are now trying to change.
It might have worked for you when you were a child; not acting out and just laying low for a while to eventually get to where you wanted. But as an adult the laying low part is not working anymore. The responsibility you end up not taking for decisions and choices are now made by others causing you to become smaller and smaller. Allowing you less and less room to be who you are.
I’m speaking out of experience; not a good way to go about it!
But you don’t know what you don’t know, so until you realize that that is what's happening you can’t do anything about it. So be kind to yourself. You are really doing the best that you can with what you know in the moment.
Up until we’re about seven years old; we absorb everything around us like a sponge. We have no filter as to what is up and down and left and right until someone tells us right?
So our opinions and behavior is a compilation of what we have observed from others without being conscious about it.
Until you become aware of the fact that you’ve adapted whatever your e.g. mom was doing in these types of situations but it’s not who you really are, it’s really hard to change.
So much of your daily life is lived from your subconscious mind. You can drive a car and talk at the same time; you can brush your teeth while going over your to-do list in your head. Clearly you need a subconscious mind to be able to function in society.
None of us are really aware of how much and what is programmed into our subconscious.
So to make that journey toward a better relationship with your partner you need to have that solid relationship with yourself.
Knowing that you are doing the very best that you can at all times and practice kind and gentle self talk when things don’t turn out the way you want them to.
With the kind inner dialogue your self worth will rise and with that an even more kind inner dialogue. What I like to call; a virtuous circle.